Happy Friday!  I apologize for my lack of posting as of late.  I’ve addressed this on my socials but it has taken me a while to be able to put it to paper, so-to-speak.  In fact, I started typing this out on a whim, and just kept going with it (so sorry for any errors, I am seriously just typing as fast as I can to get it all out – and sorry to Ben who is passed out beside me).

But I wanted to share my news with you all here, and in general, because when I started this blog, I chose to share my life with you – and honestly, I hate hiding what I am going through… because it’s nothing to be ashamed of.  So, on that note, as some of you already know, Ben and I are currently going through IVF.

Today, IVF, although a household word, is something people don’t really talk about, at least not until after the fact.  And that’s ok, but for some reason there is a stigma associated with infertility.  According to the CDC, approximately 1.5 million women fail to get pregnant after one year of trying.  So guess what, I am, and you are, not alone.

The purpose and aim of my blog is not only to inspire others with the things that inspire me – but to share a slice of my world… whether that be my daily outfits, travel adventures or whatever else happens to be going on in my world.  And this, what I am going through, is a very huge part of who I am and what is going on with me at the moment.  That, and I feel it’s better to just be transparent with the world, and share me, all of me, the real me, and not some perfectly contrived version of me on the internet.

And beyond that, my blog is largely here to connect with you – like minded individuals from around the globe whom I can relate to and share the same interests… and that’s honestly one of my very favorite things about blogging… you.  So if you are going through the same thing, or even just have questions, feel free to reach out.  I’d love to chat and be there for one another.  And to those of you who have already reached out with kind words of encouragement and support… THANK YOU.  It truly has meant the world to both Ben and I, and has helped to keep me going and remain positive.  A few of you have even come up to me while out running errands introducing yourselves and sharing your own stories – and it really brought tears to my eyes – to know that we can all be here for each other – even as strangers – and that you guys feel open enough with, and trusting of me to share.

And while I would have loved to create some perfectly amazing image(s) to accompany this announcement – I had a really hard time finding a way to “properly” announce this (it’s taken me quite some time to even get this far).  First, there is no “right” way to announce something like this – and again, I am aiming to remove the stigma so why can’t it be more casual?  That’s how I have been treating this – I am an open book and am not ashamed to talk about it, even with strangers.  Maybe it’s the way I was raised.  But I’ve never been one to shy away from a frank conversation.

So on that note, for those of you who are interested, here is a bit of backstory on our road so far…

After Ben and I got married in 2012, we knew we wanted to have babies and create a family together.  We were still in law school at the time so we chose to wait until after the bar exam to start trying.  Once we had finished and made the move to Arizona, we decided to “pull the goalie,” haha, sorry for the frank terms.  We tried for a full year with no success.  Each month I would get deeply depressed when Aunt flow arrived.  I kind of went to a bit of a funk – and by a bit of a funk I mean hardly left the house.  I said ‘no’ to a lot of social activities and even travel or blog opportunities.  We were in a new state with hardly any friends, so I guess it was easy for me to just retreat into myself, and it became a vicious cycle of anti-social depression.  But this was a mistake, and it’s taken me a while to dig myself out of that hole.  So I am here to remind you that it’s ok, you’ll be ok, and there are plenty options for you.

So in September of last year, we sought help from a few local fertility specialists.  We performed all of the tests and blood work, only to come up empty… there is no medical reason that we haven’t been able to conceive.  So we decided to try our hand at intrauterine insemination (IUI).  (I’d be happy to share what that was like with any of you – so feel free to send me an email if you wish).

Sadly, after four failed IUI’s by December, we decided to take a break.  We were informed that performing another IUI would not increase our chances and IVF was our next step… but we weren’t prepared for that mentally or financially.  So we decided together that we would hope and pray that we could get pregnant on our own, now that I was mentally in a better, more sound state.  We gave ourselves a time limit to try until my thirtieth birthday in June (six months) before we would go in for IVF.  So, after our summer travels (and no luck), we began the IVF process this past August.

It’s been a trying time, that’s for sure.  We’ve had to remain grounded here in Arizona (no travel) while I have to visit the doctor a few times a week to monitor my hormones, and we pump me full of medications via oral and injection (those SUCK)… but in the end, it will all be worth it and we pray for success.

We are doing a frozen embryo transfer… meaning that last month we went in for a surgical procedure to remove my eggs from the (enlarged) follicles and combined them with my hubby.  The embryos were frozen on day four and we have been preparing my body for the transfer, which takes place on Monday.  EEK!

So this is huge.  We are SO excited and I am just trying to remain relaxed, calm and stress free.  Wish us luck and thanks for reading my novel.

If you have any questions or wish to share your story, please email me as I would love to connect.  And if you wish to follow along, I have been sharing bits and pieces of the process with you all on my snapchat (dashofdarling).

Thanks for your continued support, my friends.  Enjoy your weekend!

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